Euphemisms

A reminder : It is a legal requirement to wear seat belts. 

Indeed. It is also, without exaggeration, the single most annoying part about driving. You may or may not agree but please allow me to make my point, a point ignored by most but I do have faith in you. You with your stylish red hair cut short enough to make your point about your stylish gender.  I do get your point and I only beseech you to consider mine. Sly I am not.

 My usual argument goes as such:  I drove for 3 years without wearing one in a country where reckless driving is a necessity. Why would I need it in my new ocountry of residence where people pride on following rules? The usual response I get is that it is for my own safety.  Safety? (i often murmur to myself). It is more like an unforgiving  school teacher. It is grey and humourless. It has parts that need to correctly "fit in". The buckle is moody and punishes you by not latching on if you aren't gentle. The strap is strict and doesn't have give if jerked- you have to let it go and start all over again. Once on it is tight and doesn't let you move and guises to keep you in place for your "good". It doesn't let you turn back and flex and talk to your friends. If for the love of freedom you choose to not wear it, the senior teacher aka the dashboard annoyingly reminds you to put it on and god forbid the principal (po po) walks by, you are punished hard enough to wish for a whipping instead. Statisticians are employed solely to show how many failures occur yearly if you choose to not use the belt and the same statisticians seem to go unemployed in countries where it is not a rule.  Why why impose this requirement when I know my life does not need this lesson to pass the test? Sigh. When will teachers learn to change with the times? When will they speak TO the student instead of AT them? I shall give you a way out, yes I shall tell you a secret. Appeal to me in a language I understand. You can do this by understanding my life, my needs, and words that make sense to me.  Call it the Strap-On. And I promise to deliver.